Now few of you would call post-Brennifer Paniston a genius, a unique talent, an artist, a tasteful public figure, a role model, or a respectable actress, but everyone can relax and stop hassling me, because I am here to give that woman a good name.
I’m going to start with Friends. Everyone watches that show. Canadians, Americans, Europeans, Scandinavians alike (probably). It’s a popular show. And not in the way that Two and a Half Men is a popular show. All of you out there have seen at least one episode and were mildly entertained for those thirty minutes, which is more than I can say for Two and a Half Men (I cannot stress it enough, this is not a good show and no Emmy will convince me otherwise). I will never retract that statement (either one, actually) and if you disagree, you are liars (or you have really poor taste in comedy, in which case stop reading before I feel insulted).
Anyway, Jen is funny and adorable and she makes me feel like we’re close friends which is why I felt like I could call her “Jen”. And she is the only one of those characters who is successful and that I care about. Monica is on some depressing show about cougars to prove to everyone she’s still hot, and I heard somewhere that Chandler is addicted to coke (and not in the cool, hip way). I don’t even know where Joey went, and David Schwimmer is and will always be creepy and uninteresting (like a much less cool Bob Saget) and probably has his own show somewhere that I don’t want to see (and neither do you). Jennifer “Old Faithful” Aniston, on the other hand, is a movie star with really great hair.
Now before you go tearing apart every movie my favorite actress and most inspiring role model has been in, hear me out. She has been in some awful movies (except for Marley and Me. Rent it, laugh, feel, cry). If Tom Hanks has taught us anything (besides surviving on a deserted island and never underestimating what a slightly above retarded country boy can do), it is that you become a more legitimate actor when you make the switch from television to film acting. I don’t really care though, because I think it’s way more awesome that Jen just doesn’t give a fuck. You have a part for her in a movie with Adam Sandler that has totally been done before? She’ll take that shit and enjoy the millions she is going to get just because her name is on that poster. You want to put her in a modern adaptation of The Graduate that will never see an audience outside of an eight-hour flight to Seattle? Sign this bitch up. She’s so cool and popular (and pretty), she can be in millions of bad movies and an interview with Tila Tequila and still be awesome. Say what you will about her, but she has and will always be on the front-page of The Enquirer, Star, and People Magazine, and if that doesn’t scream popular and cool, what does? Office Space was pretty good, too.
