Diedrich Taubenfliegle was a German backpacker who travelled through New Zealand in the year 2008. After 3 months in the Country, he was found dead in a pool of someone else’s vomit. These are the last entries of his semi-popular travel blog, which was widely read by his nuclear family and at least 3, give-or- take-2, of his acquaintances. Due to expenses, a funeral was never held for Deidricht. His body was thrown into a mangrove swamp.
Deidricht‘s blog has been translated by The Red Herring’s Rupert Common, who has no command of the German Language other than how to count to ten and the word “shyza.” He used an internet based translation system whereby a strenuous “copy paste” method was used.
August 20th
I heard second-hand that some of the other foreigners from the hostel were a little put off by my trekking style. Apparently, on our last day trip, the way I approached the rugged terrain was both unorthodox and unsettling. I don’t see why. I am just very adamant about keeping your legs stiff when you walk and throwing out occasional salutes to nature. My physician back in Germany told me that this manner of hiking is much better for your back and a more vigorous form of exercise. I tried to tell my peers but no one listened. They also didn’t like my use of a riding whip as a walking stick, or my choice of long, black leather boots instead of traditional hiking footwear.
August 23rd
We were all in the hostel common room and people wanted to watch a Hollywood film. Other than my vote, there was a unanimous decision for Iron Man. I dislike Robert Downey Jr., and anyone with Jr. in their name, so I insisted that we watch Das Boot instead. An Italian girl – whom I now dislike – strongly complained about how I had spent the good portion of the last two days watching the film in consecutive viewings. She also spoke out against my tendency to sleep naked in the common room overnight. I was very angry and decided to excuse myself from the lounge. I immediately sizzled up some wiener schnitzels and ate 3 loafs of bread.
August 24th
New Zealand is nice but too many German’s travel here. It’s very aggravating. I keep meeting people from my country who only want to speak German. Why can’t they find somewhere else to go? They’re giving us a bad name.
I took a “kiwi tour” for only 60 dollars around the city. I was in a bus with lots of old people that were Asian. We had a good time listening to the tour guide tell us about objects outside of the window. I especially liked the garden we drove past. We even saw some dark skinned “Maori” people. I was surprised to see that one was reading a book! Who knew that these savages were literate? Perhaps he was half-cast.
August 27th
Sorry I have not written in a few days. A lot has happened. I bought a car from some French backpackers. They sold it to me for 1,450 dollars. I was very pleased with this at first but after driving the automobile for 20 km, the engine began to smoke. How could these liars sell me a faulty car? I was very disheartened and lost faith in humans as a race. But my luck changed. I found a teen-age Brazilian girl to sell the car to at a tidy profit. With the extra money I went bungee jumping. I could even afford to get the DVD of me bungee jumping and by a root beer float. Once I got back to the hostel, I made everyone watch the DVD and then ate a chocolate bar and watched Das Boot again.
