MONTREAL, QC – In academic news, a fourth year science student recently opted to enroll and remain in Introduction to Psychology (PSYCH 100) after being captivated by a girl in the class. Only one semester away from graduation, Tony Willbooth has put his upcoming graduation in a great deal of jeopardy. “Yeah,” Mr. Willbooth stated, “I really needed to take another five required courses to complete my degree, but she’s just so darned cute. I really have no interest in psychology and do not foresee a good grade”.
Tony explained that he was hanging out with one of his “bros” in between classes when he decided to “grab some ‘za” and sit in on the class “just for kicks.” It was in one of the 450+ seats of Leacock 132 where Tony noticed his dream girl. “I really like the look of her. She’s not super hot, like not airline-stewardess-hot or stripper hot, but she’s cute and seems kind of approachable. I’m starting to realize that I’m not a first or second year anymore and that I’m getting to that age where I need to be thinking about reality and settling down.”
Upon seeing the girl in question, Mr. Willbooth immediately went on Minerva to enroll in the course, but quickly realized that it would throw off his entire schedule. However, Tony was sure that this was “true love,” and dropped several of his required classes in favour of PSYCH 100. “I realize that this may very well cost me my graduation and the summer internship I have lined up, but you can’t put a price on love. Well, I guess I’m gonna have to do another semester at McGill, and that’ll probably cost around $8,000, so I guess we could put a price on this love–$8,000 plus living expenses or something, but that’s not the point…right?”
When asked why he didn’t just attend the class without registering for it, Tony paused, then firmly and thoughtfully responded, “You suck.” Later, upon further contemplation, Tony concluded that he “needed a conversation starter in case [he] ever actually talked to her. Also, the add/drop period just ended.” Mr. Willbooth currently has no plans or intentions to approach or talk to his “dream girl.”
According to Mr. Willbooth, the girl, who will remain anonymous (mainly to protect her identity, but also mainly because Tony does not know her name), is a brunette, appears to be in first year, and uses a white Apple MacBook. Tony has made a formal request that anyone with any leads as to who this girl is, contact him at tony.willbooth/not.wilkesbooth@gmail.com. Further contact information can also be found at http://theredherring.net/.
~Matt Essert
