This story has everything we need: a red herring, a McGill connection, a Canadian heritage moment, a worldwide conspiracy, and of course, ninjas. Two thousand of them. A red herring, for those who don’t know, is a conspicuous false lead, something smelly enough to get your attention from a great distance, and useless enough that you won’t get anything out of it except some wasted time and effort. The idea is that while you’re chasing the fishy smell, the prey you’re after will have time to slink away.
Enter Benjamin Fulford, former Canadian journalist living in Japan. Mr. Fulford has been a vocal critic of what he calls the New World Order (NWO) conspiracy, hatched according to him by the Illuminati, an ancient Bavarian secret society revived by Adam Weishaupt in the 18th century. Now put the paper down, take a couple of hours to Google all of that, come back, and keep reading. Or do yourself a favour and expose your fragile young mind to Robert Anton Wilson’s Illuminatus trilogy. You can thank me in ten years when you finally realize what a gift I’ve just fnord given you.
Fulford claims, in line with some pretty mainstream Club of Rome conspiracy talk from the early 1970s, that this NWO, led today by the usual suspects (Rockefellers, Bushes, the allegedly reptilian Queen of England, etc.) is planning to depopulate the planet by killing about 5 billion people, just to make it safe for the elite and their children. He also claims, and this is where the story gets interesting, that a shadowy alliance of targeted groups intended for depopulation, led by Chinese gangsters, have been in touch with him. For some reason, they’ve picked him as a messenger boy to the NWO. They’ve told him to tell the Rockefellers and the Bushes, that if they persist with their zany multi-genocidal plan, the Alliance (lets call them that) will sick 2000 ninjas on them and their families, and pre-emptively exterminate them, before they have a chance to exterminate… well, them. English should really have more pronouns. He’s even said on occasion that the NWO are actually taking this seriously and have promised to put their plan on hold… for now. That’s pretty convenient for Fulford, because his evidence that he’s telling the truth about all this would be that nothing is happening. So that’s all there is to the story, right?
Not exactly. There are layers upon layers of conspiracy goodness in this particular onion (I tried for something with fish, but herrings don’t really have layers, and onions are smelly too). Fulford, turns out to be the great-grandson of George Taylor Fulford. Now, if you’re from anywhere near Brockville, Ontario, or maybe Morrisville, New York, or if you’ve ever taken a Thousand Islands cruise and were listening to the tour guide, that name should be familiar. Those three categories should cover most of the readership right there.
The cruises make a special stop at Fulford place, the Fulford family estate. G.T. Fulford was a prominent Canadian businessman who made his fortune selling an iron supplement developed by a McGill doctor. The amazingly alliterative Pink Pills for Pale People (I am not making this up) created a fortune with which G.T. Fulford became the biggest shareholder in General Electric, currently one of the top defense contractors in the US, and a major component of Eisenhower’s dreaded Military-Industrial Complex.
Then, in 1905, he became the first Canadian to die in a car accident. His car was demolished by a tramway in Massachusetts. But not before he had decided to do two important things, without actually having time to accomplish them: buy General Motors (Tycoons had balls back then), and finance the electro-magnetic experiments of Nikola Tesla. Now there’s another highly Google-able name. And as a friendly warning, only google “Tesla conspiracy” early on a Friday evening when you have no assignments or other reading for the weekend, and when you don’t care how much sleep you get until Monday.
Tesla was working on some way to transmit electricity wirelessly without killing everyone within a 100-metre radius. Word in the conspiracy fringe is that his work lives on in the form of HAARP, an extremely powerful transmitter in Alaska, ostensibly used by the US Navy for low frequency radio experiments, but rumoured to be a weather control machine that works by heating the upper atmosphere, and whose main purpose will be… to create natural disasters that will depopulate the planet by about 5 billion people. Of course.
In summary, we have the great-grandson of a tycoon displaying a shocking lack of class-consciousness by accusing the great-grandchildren of another bunch of tycoons of wanting to destroy the world through the use of a technology that his own great-grandfather was going to finance. That is, before he met with an untimely, historic, and suspicious death. I mean, it isn’t like you can make a statistical argument about G.T. Fulford’s accident. When it happened, he nudged the n counter over to 1.
Ninjas, Tesla, weather control, and mass extermination make a much more riveting story than the looting of Fannie Mae, or the financing of the Taliban. You’re much more likely to spend a rainy Saturday afternoon laughing yourself silly reading about the first one than the other two. And all three stories involve many of the same characters. Keep your eye on the ball, kids.
~ Professor X
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